Friday, June 23, 2017

desperation binds with hope











i never told you, but i stood outside of the church and cried the sound of my heart. the green leaves wept close to the ground, and the pavement was bright white. he drove past in his red truck, and the brave girl was one of the only ones left.

heart to heart.

love slipped out of my hands, and i was bearing the weight of a heavy Sorrow. because i was sorry. and i was lonely. and i really didn't want to go back home, because i was scared.

he stood there. still there. and he was only a little boy, and my brother, with an aching heart and a Sorrow beating the same as mine. though our stories are different. the aches are different. he is different. i am different. but isn't that the way it goes? different, but the same.

the echo buried itself still in the tree rings of the pines standing out front.

desperation burns up my heart, and all i can do is fall to my knees. because these words cannot proclaim the Glory of which i yearn to tell. this voice cannot find the perfect Harmony in which i ache to sing. this hands cannot create the Perfection for which they long for. and all i want to do is praise my Savior, but oh these limbs. 
this heart. i'm all caught up in myself. and i know it. and i ache and ache to be cut free of the flesh that searches my veins for an atom of strength.

yet,

even still,

hope binds with the desperation, and i am caught up in a storm of change He is working in me. for though the song may not be perfect, the sound of it fills His heart with love upon love and it overflows. even still.
i felt it in the girl who stayed by my side. all humbleness and love, beaming the thing He knew i needed the most.

hold on. just a little bit longer.
/x


27 comments:

  1. Wow: heart eyes, and hugs, and tears, and amazement in the fact that He still chooses us and uses us in all our imperfections.

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    1. AMEN. that is something that cripples my hard heart, and after that, i'm all pillows and soft skies. x He is good.

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  2. This is so so beautiful, oh my goodness. Your poetry always makes my heart so happy ❤️

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    1. oh maaaaaaaan. THANK YOU??? i'm laughing with joy. how is God so, so good to us? x

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  3. thank you you're growing so many sunflowers all over this dead earth my friend. <3 <3

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    1. laughing with love. and it's all because He guides these feeble hands, viv girl. u kno it. wow. love u. x

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  4. Oh my goodness gracious, this was amazing. I loved those pictures! Who's the girl in #7? You guys kinda look alike...xP

    Amelia xxx
    <3

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    1. HAHAHA SURPRISE IT'S MY ADDY GIRL. (downbythewillows.blogspot.com) we always joke that i'm her adopted sister yo. and hey, i won't complain.
      loves. thank you so muchhhh. x

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  5. Yes, yes, yes. I don't have the words yet, but yes.

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    1. hollaaa. I feel ya. hi. Love you. Thanks. eheheh. <3 x

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  6. Replies
    1. surprise that's my favorite word. ha. loveees. x

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  7. you leave me wanting to say so much yet unable to say anything at all. <3

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    1. oops. don't know the remedy for that. but i'll gladly send a brownie your way. so much love, grace anne. x

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    2. p.s. i'm 99% you like brownies but just for the 1% you don't, i'm sure a freshly baked cinnamon roll will do the trick. HA.

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  8. you make me feel so many things. so much joy and hope <3

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    1. eheheh. and i can't take credit as you well know, Lauren girl. He is every ounce of goodness in me. x

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  9. i'm late but you know already that i think this is beautiful. re-reading it revealed new layers, too. especially the bit about how the song may not be perfect but it still fills His heart with love. gaah. holding on with you my darling friend.
    ALSO totally agree with the comment that you and Addy look alike! ;)

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    1. BETTER LATE THAN NEVER. *pulls up a chair* HAHA. i love that line all the way down. music is one of my favorite things, but i'm so BAD at creating songs??? still, He loves and loves. that is something so precious and dear that it makes me all teary. xx
      ALSO HAHA. i love her so much so that makes me happy happy.

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  10. Cally, you are such a beautiful human and God is working through you, Man oh man has he blessed you with the power of words and the wonderful ability to reach right through the pages and touch a person's heart. I love you sweet girl, keep doing what you're doing and trusting the Lord. Because with God, there is always hope. Even in desperation. Especially in desperation.

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    1. ALRIGHT LET'S SLOW DOWN A MINUTE HERE. *dies laughing* Oh baby. Most days I doubt that, but I write on in the hope that it'll glorify Him. It has been a battle every day. And oh, you're completely right. Amen. there is hope beyond hope pouring out of Him, and I only need Him to see that. I love you always. never go too far. x

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  11. oh GOODNESS MY HEART IS BURSTINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG
    goodness. I don't even have words to say. thanks for this though. God is so good.

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    1. tbh u make me laugh a lot all of the time. HAHAHA. eeeuughg. *hands you a bucket of love* thanks for loving me, liv girl. it means everything. especially when we're both looking at our Savior with eyes of awe. what on earth. x

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  12. I haven't read anything quite like this in a long time. But it's like that every time I get on this wonderful blog. Your words are so beautiful and have the crazy ability to punch someone in the face with just a few words. Keep writing ♡♡

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    1. OH MAN. That is crazy news to me, but it fits just right. You are sweet as a ripe peach. yep. thanks for loving me. our God has been good to us. x

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  13. this is a great post because it's got my face in it. so, what's your favorite ice cream flavor right now.

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    1. this post is actually good lolz *rereads it*
      also oh man. i don't know. probably MINT CHOCOLATE CHIP? sounds good right now yes. what is yours.

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make it count. x