Tuesday, April 18, 2017


HAHAHA. the giveawaaaayyy has ENDED. all that hard work yo (just kidding. put the post up, enjoyed all the answers you peaches put in, and ate some chocolate). 


wait for it. 


so much laughter. i enjoyed this giveaway more than you know. thanks for all the wonderful answers, for leaving those sweet comments on my posts, and for following me even when it doesn't include brownies sent to your door (maybe in 20 years, i could work that into my blog??? just kidding. but seriously HOW COOL WOULD THAT BE). 

love love love.

you guys gave me songs for the giveaway, so here is mine in return:

p.s. jk jk here's the real one: loves

Thursday, April 6, 2017

it's okay / MORNING

i smooth out the tired dreams in my blanket, yawning as my blood starts to flow quicker. i have softer dreams than most people. i dreamed about this boy of happiness and curly hair. he gingerly picked up the guitar. i wasn't expecting much. but he played this song, and his fingers flew across the frets, and i was laughing so hard that you could hear my laughter from a block away.

i want to tell you that he's the same kid, that bravery blush on his cheeks, but i cannot. some part of him grew up and gave up, and there's a piece missing.

but that's okay.
i know that might sound a bit silly to you. what part of that sounds okay? but it was a day in the middle of winter, and i stared into his eyes, and something deep in my heart clicked into place. He is loved. 

so i brush the night out of my hair, and i wash forgotten memories from my face, and stare out the window with a crooked grin. let me walk in the hope and the love of Christ, selflessness left in every footstep.
no dwelling on the past.


lolz this is a little short, but that's okay. words have been walking in molasses so I'm having trouble getting them out. 

p.s. the giveaway is still up! enter enter enter. there are good things there.

Friday, March 17, 2017



*does a little jig*

this is the moment you've all been waiting for. *crowd cheers* WE'RE DOING A GIVEAWAY. awfwafawfl. this is super exciting. i sent Addy an email talking about the idea, completely forgot about it, and wondered for a minute what on earth she was talking about when she texted me a couple weeks later. good job, us. 

BUT HELLO. and welcome. we are so pumped to do this. here's what's up:

to enter --

in order for you to enter this giveaway, you must answer the following question in a comment on this post. If you don't answer the question, then your comment won't be counted as an entry.

if you could recommend one song to me, what would it be?

but wait --

You can also gain another entry by commenting on the post that Addy has on her blog over here.

what's included --

-a super cool patch or two
-a mail hug (by marc johns/department store for the mind)
-handwritten letters from me & adelaide
-and a sweet surprise *sneaky laugh*

the deadline --

yo. you have until next month on the 17th to enter. so spread the news. party. take your time. but don't procrastinate because that's not good. we'll announce the winner around then. and i'll happily laugh about it all.

if you have any questions, leave them below. otherwise that's it! i love you guys. thanks for everything. weeeep.


p.s. don't forget to comment on addy's post! because she's cool. and it'll better your chances of winning.
p.p.s. we can only mail inside the States! so only U.S. residents please.

Tuesday, March 7, 2017

desert boy

okay let's all just take a very long moment to gaze upon the beauty that is jordan's skillz.
she's the absolute best.



some days we stumble upon them.

desert at the end of the tree line.
his eyes surprised me, for i had seen them before
but not here. not here.


salty tears in the midst of hills upon hills 
of golden sand. 
he asked for me, and i weakly scrambled back.

i told him to stay still.
just a moment, and i'll return.

so i ran to the trees behind us,
and called out His name, hoping upon hope
that i would get an answer.

faithful heart.

His voice spoke miracles,
and i fell into those arms that were so heavy with love
that it was something i knew i would never lose.

He cares for you.

i stood at the edge of the tree line,
freedom and faith cleaning out my lungs.
it was never my job

to save him.


things turn out a little different than you'd expect.

+ addy and i have a special surprise coming on st. patty's day. 
+ this week only started two days ago, but it's already been a wild ride.
+oh, and i love you. tell me some good things.
+also u better go follow jordan or i'll cry.
+(u don't want to see me cry.)
+also i kept almost typing desert as dessert and so now i'm hungry. oops. 

Wednesday, February 8, 2017

KEEP HOPE / new, old

an old letter oozing golden honey into my hands. slightly confused, partially delighted. i was always the quieter one, laughing from far away. humming songs and cheering for the honest four-square players. 
open eyes, brighter heart.

there was one day when hope had only filled a corner of my home. a small window, sunlight bleeding through. 

then the Maker broke through, and tore down the wall. i left for the summer, and i saw dirt the same color as your empty eyes. where were you?

it was a couple months after i came back. a couple weeks after you came back. you were lighter, more free. and you came over, and we talked, and we smiled. 

a week later, and i laughed so loud the house woke up. windows bigger, light fuller. more and more and more. 

hey. here's a new letter. sunset blue with a tinge of DEATH and a whole lot of HOPE. 


goodbye boy. 
     he was young then. he was full of joy, and he...was the sound of a melody breaking through. a mixture of noises i never heard before, but working together exactly right. 

written: Man. I lost hope, you know.
I looked into your eyes and they felt sadder and farther away than ever. [A MUFFLED SONG] Like I had never known you. Like you had never known me.
But I never forgot you.
You're still the boy sitting beside me and laughing over movies about football. You're still the boy who stood with me in the hall looking at our old memories. 
We grew older.
You grew older.

there's a faint noise. a familiar sound. i hold my breath, and listen to the trees rustle in the wind. there's a valley way out there with him in it. different mountains, same sky, same God. if you can hear me, i want you to put your hand on your chest. 
do you feel that?
He put that there. 

that is something special. i know it is. and i know that sometimes it doesn't feel like it - midnight overthinking, wrong words, small failures, aching heart. they all add up to not enough.
(and that's the point. i am not enough. you are not enough. where did we get that idea?)

there is a mighty King, my boy. and he has placed a song in your ribcage, brimming to the edge with sacrifice and wild love [SHE CALLED IT KINGSLOVE.]. 

please, please sing again. 
{we know what it costs.}

i trembled a couple nights ago, beneath the lateness (and the heaviness). 
     terror in my bones, and i couldn't hold my hands still. a young girl stepping into the busy street. the dust swept up into my lungs, and i coughed. you were far, far away. in a city i didn't know the name of. /too far. come back./ no hand to hold, only photographs of you.

it wasn't the worn faces that scared me. nor was it the wagons tumbling by, or the yelling coming from a building in the distance. it was the thought of losing you. /why am i so small./

stones beneath my feet, and i cry out. /HE HEARS./ swept into the roaring crowd. there was a hand, a flash of golden hair, old shoes. 

a second cry. your name. something less. 

wait. a gentle hand grasped mine, and pulled me out of the crowd into a quiet alley. we walked up an old dirt hill, and he smelled of something better. 
/who are you?/


confused hands, quiet mouth. glance into his wise eyes. - what's that? - just some pictures. - may i see? - sure. - oh. (quiet moment.) i know her. - you do? - of course. i know them all. she's full of hope, and she worries too much. but she loves the good ones. she is as bright as summer, and she is learning to let go.
you must too.


(keep hope. let go, never give up.)

Friday, January 20, 2017


brush brush. 
there we go.
not a fresh start - a couple smudged lines, but better than before.

i stood out in that cold, wet dirt today. the sun was already sleeping behind the mountains, and the sky was already that deep blue that sifts the moonlight as it comes down. a couple stars were out and i thought about goodness.

goodness, goodness, goodness.
the kind that shakes the shadow remnants from your soul, and love that finds those tender bits in your heart.

the Lord is good, yeah? i know it. hey, i believe it. 

i didn't know what that meant before. the Lord is good? yeah. sure. but that was before the fire. that was before the thunderstorms and the running and the broken sobs that shook your old lungs.
goodness isn't always what we see is good.

what does He see, little one?
He sees the finished result.
He sees what the trials produce.

He sees you. and hey, he loves you now. he loves you in all of your youness. and a brave man once said, "God said come as you are, but he didn't say leave as you were."

that means loss of self, yo.
i was scared once. some days i still am. but when you gaze into His eyes, all fear melts away. those doubts have no place to stand in the face of Truth. and Christ. OH. CHRIST. He is with you through that refining fire that feels like it's burning you up so much that you can't even breathe.
He is with you on those quiet mornings when it feels like you can't pray.
He is with you.

the Lord is good. and some days that means He's gonna lead you right through that storm and other days it means that He loves you so deeply that the sunrises and sunsets bleed colors.

something good.


Sunday, January 1, 2017

in your eyes

it was the stillness in your eyes.

the hushed peace, lingering there. telling me i came back home.

it was funny, though. because there had been so much on my hands, on my heart. the bitterness sinks in and your eyes turn gray and no one knows who you are anymore. not even yourself.

it chokes you.

but one look at you and i knew everything was going to be okay.

you knew. i looked in your eyes and it was like looking right back into mine. glory stuck in the iris, gleaming goodness.
(He is good.)

how could i even put it all into words? He had to take it all. every last piece. it broke you. it broke me.

i laugh because it hurt so much. and i thought i'd never make it out, but here i am.

things change. things grow.

you know.

i can see it in the stillness in your eyes.