Sunday, October 1, 2017

a list of things







i. wash the windows and pull the blinds. i saw the sun this morning, and it burned a hole right through my ribs and into my heart. sacrifice does not mean loss, but it means gain. and oh, in the depths of sacrifice, you take the brunt of the quaking and trembling and it knocks all the breath out of your lungs. but one morning, you wake up, and your ribs are the good kind of sore, and a laugh escapes your mouth and it is pure selfless love ringing of His voice.

ii. i trace the stars to each other, and it is all laughing and laughing like always. because you are my Hannah, and you are far away, but close to my heart. i press my prayers into those constellations, and beam right back at Vega, and i understand more about letting people go is also a good kind of love.

iii. not being enough is the kind of thing that breaks you. not enough? that is all i want to be. but then i am given a gift of Grace, and this time i understand that it takes the breaking of not enoughness to make room for His Enoughness.

iv. i cried in the middle of a city that was half a home and you were right beside me and the sun was warm and it was a summer exhale. love is not a feeling as much as it is a choice.

v. press the seeds into the dirt. cold soil. and it is scary and big and wild, but i am finding bravery in the flowers already here. step forward.

vi. sorrow bearing a cross, and i am almost overtaken by the waves of discouragement that will not stop pounding the shore. hope. where are you? and she laughed and said it was a clear box and it was still loud but there was a peace. there you are. be not far from my heart, oh hope.

vii. it is a choice, it is a choice. don't you get it? IT IS A CHOICE. IT IS ACTION. not always a feeling. so go forth with knowing even when the feeling is not there. He is good. He is true. He is mighty. He is enough. knead it into the folds of my heart. 


WHERE HAVE I BEEN FOR THE LAST THREE MONTHS. *scream* HAHAH. here and there. sort of back. give me a chance to unpack my things. 

22 comments:

  1. loved this poem + also the postscript. <3 <3 <3
    i've missed you!!!

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    1. HELLO AGAIN MY DEAR SOPHY. i have missed your precious face as well. ahhhh. LOVE YOU. can't wait to get back into the swing of things. hello hello helloo. x

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  2. Replies
    1. DANG. YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL. but also i'm laughing. thank you so muuccch. ugh. <3 x

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  3. iii. Is. My. Favorite.
    Beautimous right here <3333

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    1. AHAHAH. that is good to know aahh. man. loves. x

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  4. viii. it is cold, cold, cold in the room, and I lay on the bed and cry at the breaking again (again? how much brokenness can one heart hold?), but I must know--I must know that the Lord Himself, when He had given thanks (give thanks? for this?) he broke the bread (the bread, His own body) and He gave it to His disciples. So, too, I must give thanks at this brokenness and even offer it as the only offering that I have. And it is alright, and she knocks on the door, and all when all I have are tears she still loves. And it reminds me, again, again, again, of Him--and He has always loved.

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    1. I CAN'T FIND ANYTHING TO SAY BECAUSE YOU SAID IT ALL. Amen from the depths of my soul. He gave thanks. OH. rejoice in the Lord always. x

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  5. missed youuuuu <3 lovely as always nice to see you again

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    1. YOU KIDS BETTER STOP BATTERING ME WITH LOVE OR I'LL CRY A WHOLE OCEAN AND WE'LL BE SAILING IN IT FOR MONTHS.
      thank you for missing me. it means a lot. ow. and i am so glad to see your face is still here shining bright. HELLO. x

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  6. WOOWWWWWWWW. This was insane. Like, SUPER good insane! It was so poetic and beautiful and rhythmic and true and honest and raw and FILLED WITH SUCH JOY AND SUNSHINE!!!! Ugh I loved it so much!!
    No worries, girl, we've all been in that part of life. <3 <3 <3 <3

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    1. HAHAH OH MY BEAUTIFUL FRIEND. THANK YOU. *dances around* God is so good and I can only give Him the glory, yo. what a king. AAHHHH. also I'm going to send you a super long email sometime SOOOOOn. I PROMISE. HAHAH. love you. x

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    2. I CAN'T WAIT FOR THAT SUPER LONG EMAIL YAYYYY.
      God is so amazingly good. <3 <3 <3

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  7. uhm??? who knew how interesting a list of things could be?? probably need a few weeks to process this work of art because yes yes & yes. isn't it so incredible that it was a CHOICE of LOVE that He chose us? still floored and dumbfounded by His grace -- thanks sliding this reminder in luv xx

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    1. hahahahaha i meant *thanks for sliding in this reminder

      (silly me & my typos)

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    2. HAHAHAHA I LOVE YOU AND I MISSED YOU SO MUCH WHAT. oh my gooDNESS. also yes yes yes. EXACTLY. He is so good and wonderful and I am continually swept off my feet by His acts of love. ahh. x
      luv u forevs.

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  8. i love this, and i love you, and i really missed you.

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    1. my heart right now = a giant fireworks explosion, better than the finale on the 4th of july and more than the laughter because of all the car alarms going off

      I MISSED YOU TOO. oh precious bean. here i am. SORT OF BACK. laughies. gonna check out your blog and catch up a bit. x

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    2. ooo forgot to mention I LOVE YOU TOO. x

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  9. you forever blow my mind with the beauty packed so tightly into your words. missed you. <3

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    1. i don't even know how it happens, babe. but it must be Him cuz i got literally nothing but empty hands. it's all His. x I MISSED YOU TOO AWWWE.

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  10. Oh man, you give me chills with this post! There is so much wisdom and imagery and just overall richness in this that I don't know where to start. But this in particular was mind-blowing to me:

    vii. it is a choice, it is a choice. don't you get it? IT IS A CHOICE. IT IS ACTION. not always a feeling. so go forth with knowing even when the feeling is not there. He is good. He is true. He is mighty. He is enough. knead it into the folds of my heart.

    Love this. Welcome back!

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make it count. x